Sheep, Votes, & Booty Shorts
by Thing2BK
Summary: Netherlands, Canada, and New Zealand all get high together... 'nuff said.


"Duude Mattie… You and Z kind of look related, you know that?"

Canada blinked slowly, looking between his cousin, New Zealand, and Netherlands, who had made the comparison. On any other day he would've rolled his eyes and laughed at his friend. But right now, he was just doing well sitting up straight. With a weak giggle, he nodded. "You're right."

Z was just flopped over the back of a chair, staring up at the ceiling. So far, the little kiwi had been silent, just very content with being high.

The three were sitting in a smoky café in Amsterdam, where the world meeting was being held, and of course, they had to take advantage of where they were, and call a little meeting of their own.

As far as their siblings knew, Canada was having dinner with Russia, who was more than happy to play along for him; New Zealand was in a foul mood and needed alone time; and Netherlands… was out getting high with the gang. There was really no sense in hiding from Belgium, who was well aware of her brother's habits.

"Hey Z?" Willhem called lazily across the table.

"Hm?"

"There's something I've always wanted to ask you…"

"Uhuh?"

"Are you a guy or a girl?"

Before the smaller nation could answer, Canada jumped in. "Will! Will, Will, Will…Will. Z is a hobbit. They are a gender all their own." He explained sagely, nodding slowly.

"Exactly." Z agreed, returning to staring up at the ceiling.

"Okay… so are you a chick hobbit, or a dude hobbit?"

"Guess."

Again, Matthew answered before the other nation could. "Let's ask other people!" He declared, giggling at his own proposal. "Like, fifty people, and whichever gets the most votes, is Z's new gender."

"Mkay." Was all the response needed to get the trio out of the cloudy café, and into the dark streets.

{}}{{}

"Hey lady!" Will made the first attempt, running up to a teenaged girl, who looked fairly normal, except for the bright red stilettos peeking out from underneath the edges of her jeans. "Does this hobbit look like a guy or a girl to you?" He asked, practically shoving Z into the girl's face.

"U-um… a guy?"

"Thanks babe!" He grinned, dragging Z away to the next poor random person, with Matthew trailing behind.

They'd only asked about six people, and had a balanced number of guesses, when Canada stopped in front of a small store, and stared in the window until the other two noticed that he wasn't following them on their journey anymore.

"Mattie, not cool. We're on a mission here, you can't go flaking on us like that." Will muttered, reaching to grab the collar of his shirt with the hand that wasn't already gripping Z's arm.

In reply, Matthew pointed to the window of the bakery, practically drooling over the treats inside. "I'm soooo hungry!" He whined.

"Get your head in the game man! We _need_ to know if Z is a girl hobbit or a guy hobbit!" He would've continued raging, but then Matthew swung his head around to face them, violet eyes gleaming as if he were about to cry, and a stubborn pout etched on his face.

Just as it became clear that the taller nation was going to cave, New Zealand started giggling, uncontrollably, and led the way into the store.

The young woman at the register was watching awkwardly as the trio browsed the shelves, looking like she really wanted to be somewhere else.

"Z! Look! It's a squishy sheep!" Canada cheered, holding up some sort of pastry that was indeed, shaped to look like a sheep. The package declared it to be lemon-filled, and his constant squishing proved it to be true, as some yellow jam was peeking out of the cracks his fingers made.

Z grinned, and moved past him to grab as many of the sheep pastries as possible. "Will! You're paying!"

They approached the counter, dumped pretty much the store's entire stock of sheep onto the counter, and paused before they burst out laughing, as if they'd realized how ridiculous this was. But given that they were high, it was unlikely that this was the case.

The clerk, whose nametag read 'Crazy-Hobbit-Timelord-Lady', stared at them for a few seconds before saying a word, and the first thing out of her mouth was, "What the kiwi?"

"Why yes, I am a kiwi, thanks for noticing!" Z shouted happily.

"More importantly, is it a girl kiwi, or a guy kiwi?" Both Canada and the Netherlands asked, serious again. Despite the detour, they hadn't forgotten their goal.

She stared at them for a moment, one eyebrow raised. "That's a girl, obviously. You didn't know that?"

The two men blinked, and then turned to Z, who wasn't really paying attention to either of them anymore, and was a bit more preoccupied with naming the moth that had flown into the store Sink-Cat, and declaring that they had to go to the fires of Mt. Doom together to destroy a ring.

"Hey Z! You're a chick-hobbit?"

"Tha's what it says on my birth certificate, right Sinky?"

The moth responded by flying into a light bulb, and dying.

And so their question was answered, but the night was still young, and the trio was still rather high, so they turned to leave the store, only for the woman to shout after them. "Are you going to take the pastries or not?"

Grinning, Willhem turned around, and grabbed the bag off of the counter. "Thank ya darlin'!"

{}}{{}

The streets went from somewhat filled to practically empty in a matter of minutes. Canada and Z were ravenously eating the sheep; tearing off the heads first like the sadistic-when-hungry nations they were. Netherlands was just flopped over the back of the bench, much like Z had been at the beginning of the evening.

Suddenly, the two blonds' attention was attracted by something new yet again. "Will, we're going there!" Matthew declared, jumping to his feet, and pointing at a thrift store across the street.

Will could already feel his high wearing off as he looked over where the two were already running. "Have fun you crazy kids." He muttered, digging through his coat for one of the joints he always had in the pockets. "I'll be riiight here."

{}}{{}

Somehow, Z had managed to force her cousin into a changing room with an armload of clothes, while the woman at the only open register was stalking some guy named Dmitri Mihailov on Facebook.

"Z… these shorts are kinda…"

"Sexy? Amazing? Will drive our little friend outside through the roof?"

"Short." He stepped out in booty shorts, sending New Zealand into a fit of mad giggles, and making the cashier turn bright red.

Meanwhile: In Texas, a young genius writer was suddenly struck with inspiration for a new one-shot!

After the fiasco with the shorts, the cousins spent the next half hour laughing their asses off over the shoes on the far side of the of the store. (Z wanted to see Matthew in hooker boots, but he drew the line somewhere, even in his current state of mind.)

"E-excuse me?"

They looked up from their impromptu light-sabre battle using plastic baseball bats at the cashier, who was standing over them, still holding a tissue to her nose. "Hi lady!" Z cheered, waving brightly.

"I'm gonna have to ask you two to leave. I have to close up."

"Okay lady I love you buh-bye!"

And without another word, they ran back outside, to where Willhem was still sitting on the bench, shrouded in his own miniature version of the café from earlier. Nearby was a pair of young women, amassing thousands of pages of what appeared to be a novel together, and chatting very seriously about the future of fangirl-kind.

"Hey guys! Glad to see you're alive!" Will called, lazily waving to them.

"Uhuh!" Z grinned, plopping down next to him on the bench, and reaching for the bag from the bakery before glaring at him. "You ate all of my sheep, you pot-head!"

{}}{{}

Matthew woke up the next morning, and sat up with a yawn, vaguely registering that somehow he was back in his hotel room.

And that there was lemon custard on his face.

And that he was still wearing booty shorts.

He needed to hang out with Will and Z more often.

{}}+{{}

Thanks for reading~!

This was just for the girls down at the Giving In chat! We got talking about how Netherlands, Canada, and New Zealand have the three highest rates of pot smoking in the world respectively, and… this was born. They are now officially the new Bad Friends Trio. But more like… the Pot-Head Trio… or something…

Z is the only gender-neutral name for New Zealand I've ever heard, and I wanted to keep it a secret for as long as possible, even if the reveal wasn't that big of a deal.

I've never been high, so I have no clue how accurate any of this is. I asked a friend what she does while high, and all she told me was laugh… a lot.

Hope you enjoyed it! I sure as hell had fun writing it! I tried to make as many shout-outs to group members as I could, but I'm not terribly good at it.

And whoever gets the Animaniacs reference is my new best friend!


End file.
